With court storming as the hot topic across college basketball this week, it’s time to set up official rules and qualifications on the subject. Have no fear as I’m an experienced stormer, rushing the field at Commonwealth Stadium three times to celebrate a Kentucky football victory.
Yes, court storming is fun and I’m not here to knock it, but there needs to be a set of guidelines in place in order to have a successful storm. It’s quite simple, as we’ll focus on the basketball side of storming.
Rule No. 1: You aren’t allowed to rush the court if you’re Kentucky (an unwritten rule at the school anyways), UCLA, North Carolina, Duke, Kansas, Michigan State or Arizona. Your programs have been too successful to warrant any type of court storming.
Rule No. 2: You must be 30 years of age or under. It’s a little weird when you see a 60 year old trying to hop the railing to celebrate a bunch of college kids winning a game. However, if you’re a recent graduate, have at it. Obviously, students are encouraged.
Rule No. 3: You can’t be upset about broken technology. Take into consideration you’ll be most likely jumping over something to get on the field or hopping up and down at center court, something is likely to break. I know this firsthand thanks to November 4, 2006 when Kentucky football defeated Georgia. At the time my ultra-cool flip phone split in half in my pocket as I hopped over the wall to get on the field. Take your losses, get the new phone and celebrate.
Rule No. 4: Do not, I repeat do not try to touch an opponent like the kid from Kansas State. If you do, you deserve to get punched. However, talking trash is encouraged. Stay simple, I know a kid who rushed the court when Boston College was the No. 3 team in the country in 2005. He gave a simple “Dudley, you suck!” to Jared Dudley. That’s highly encouraged. Trying to elbow Jared Dudley is not.
Rule No. 5: You are only allowed to rush the court for the following reasons: Defeating a top-15 team in the country while you are not ranked. Ending a streak that is a valid one (i.e. Kentucky rushing the field after beating Steve Spurrier for the first time in 16 years). Clinching a conference championship. Those are the three qualifications.
Rule No. 6: Do not take a selfie, kids. Instead, take a picture like this one below of you and your idiot friends on the field together. It’s something that will be around for a long time and can always remember the rush (h/t @clevelandcat for the picture).
Rule No. 7: Celebrate with the players, but let them dictate if they want to be part of the crowd or not. If they want to celebrate as a team, let them. However, if they come over to where the crowd is, start celebrating. Don’t seek them out to force them into an uncomfortable situation.
Rule No. 8: If Seth Greenberg or any old person goes on a rant about banning court storming, you have the permission to blast them on social media. You’re in college just once, have fun and enjoy it. But, most of all follow the rules and don’t be the idiot.